What I've always dreamed of
by Red Ikiuki
Summary: Hey peoples. This is for my buddy Karen. (Based on my poem darkness.) Please read! It's only five chapters long! COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

Red: Hey peoples. This is an early b-day fic for my best friend Karen. She LOVES Hiei. So I wrote this for her.  
  
Disclaimer: Red does not own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Red: I so totally own this poem! ^-^ ( this poem came out of no where from my bored brain..............or sugar............................same difference I guess)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
//= poem lyrics  
''= thoughts  
""= people talking  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Darkness ~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Karen stormed home with anger stormed up in her body. She had expressed her true feelings for the fire demon, and he turned her down. She had never expressed her truest feelings for ANYONE, then when she finally does, he turns her down, coldly and cruelly. 'Hn, baka ningen onna. Why would I love a filthy bitch like yourself? Go home and leave me to my business!' the words haunted her memory.  
  
//Darkness can be possessive, darkness can be kind, darkness can be lit with light, but not all the time,//  
  
Karen recited the poem in her mind. It reminded her of Hiei. She curled up into a ball on her bed and felt tears sting her eyes. 'NO! I will NOT cry! Emotions are what got me into this mess.' She thought as she remembered the words he said to her.  
  
//There is a dark spot in my heart, just waiting to filled with a sensation, of love or pleasure, to ease my troubled mind, As the darkness fades away at the break of dawn, I sigh and groan at a new day, and resist a tempting yawn//  
  
The lyrics developed clearer in her mind, but little did she know, he was reading her every thought. He tilted his head to the side and couldn't help feeling pity for her. 'No! I can't believe I'M feeling pity for a human! After I said I thought she was a bitch.' He shook his head and sat down on the sycamore outside her window. Listening to the poem in her mind.  
  
//The flame that possessed you, is all too bright, as I silently wish for you to bring my frights, I want to be eaten from the depths of my soul, so I can be abandoned and never grow old,//  
  
Karen sighed while Hiei felt awful. She finally sat up bolt right, with a sad smirk on her face. She knew what she was going to do. She was going to kill herself. She didn't have any thing to live for anyway. She walked into her kitchen, and took out a small knife. 'I know it might seem silly, but I have nothing to live for.' She thought holding it to her wrists.  
  
// As my body withers now, my love for you will never die, so to you my love, I say, goodbye.//  
  
Hiei felt tears escape his eyes. He wiped the unfamiliar liquid from his cheeks. He lifted the body and placed her on a futon. Maybe he could ask Koenma to bring her back, maybe not. He just wanted to say,  
  
"I'm sorry and I do love you. Ai shiteru Karen."  
  
//Darkness can be possessive, Darkness can be kind, darkness can be lit with light, but not all the time, there is a dark place in my heart, waiting for a sensation of love, or pleasure to ease my troubled mind, as darkness fades away at the break of dawn, I sigh and groan at a new day, and resist a tempting yawn, the flame that possessed you, is all too bright, as I silently wish for you to bring my frights, I want to be eaten from the depths of my soul, so I can be abandoned and never grow old, as my body withers now, my love for you will never die, so to you my love, goodbye............//  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(FLAMES ARE EXCEPTED!)  
  
Red: This will only be continued if I get three reviews. ^-^ ( Flames are not going to be counted.)  
  
Karen: Why'd you kill me? 0.0  
  
Red: if three people review, you get reborn by Koenma, and this will be made into a story.  
  
Ja-ne for now,  
  
Red Ikiuki,  
^-^v ( PS HAPPY B-DAY Karen! It will soon be April 13th! )  
  
^-^ @_@ 0.0 O.o -_-+ ^o^ ^_^ ;p :D . ?_? ;^ ^; ^-~ x_x ^ ^v ^ ^'' ( ( 


	2. Confessions and the grave

Red: Hey peoples! I'd like to do the review responses now! This chappie is based on my poem, death. (which I own!) Oh yeah, sorry for Hiei being ooc.  
  
Disclaimer: Red does not own anything besides the poem and plot of story.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hiei hater # 34: I know killing off my friend was wrong, but it was for the sake of the plot! Besides, it wasn't a one-shot. She will be reincarnated in this chappie, ^-^  
  
Darkangel27: Thankies!  
  
Nikaru: Thank You! The only reason I needed three reviews was because I wanted to see if people wanted to leave it a one-shot, or to continue the story, but thanks for the tip just the same!  
  
?????ionno?????: Thankies! ^_^  
  
Julianna-Fizzerald: ^_^ I'm glad you like the lyrics! Thank you!  
  
Tique: Was that supposed to be a flame? Please! My sister makes better insults then that! T_T  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hiei felt tears flow from his eyes. He hopped into the tree outside her window. Hiei watched the ambulance take the body away. It had been two hours since Karen's suicidal death. He called the hospital and told them what had happened.  
  
//As twilight arrives, hunger thrives, a starvation with passion, lingers in my pathetic soul, while I grow tiered weary and old,//  
  
Hiei ran to Koenma's castle. Tear gems falling down to the ground. He was going to find out if he could revive Karen. 'He must say yes!' he thought. "Please Koenma if you can hear me, take her in to live again!" he said quietly to himself.  
  
//As the sensation of death creeps near, it controls my movements, it stalks my body and ruins my thoughts, and look at the gifts death has brought,//  
  
When he arrived, Koenma was standing over a new-coming soul. "Koenma!" Hiei shouted. He raced to see the in-coming soul was Karen. As she slowly opened her eyes she frowned. "You again? Leave me alone! You were the one who got me into this mess!" she said averting his gaze.  
  
// It makes us delusional, see obstacles that aren't really there, as we wonder of these things, it gets closer, sending shivers down our spine//  
  
Hiei felt more tears arrive at the corners of his crimson red eyes. "Karen, I'm sorry, please don't hate me!" he said. Karen raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think I hate you? You already know I love you ya baka. Remember? Then you turned me down, cruelly, and coldly." She said remembering the incident.  
  
// the pleasure it receives for stealing our souls, can never be compared, so as we wait for death to claim us, we think about only fear, death may be good for some, for others a curse,//  
  
She clenched her fists tightly as Hiei looked at his feet. 'Why can't I just tell the baka onna?' he thought. He looked up again and took a deep breath. "I'm s-s-sorry, and I do l-l-l-love you. Ai s-s-s-shiteru Karen." He said. Karen gasped. "Then why did you....?" Karen trailed off.  
  
// When you experience death, tell me, what is worse?//  
  
"Then why did you turn me down?" she finished. Hiei looked at his feet. "Because, believe it or not, I was scared. Scared to admit I believed in human emotion." He said sadly. She smiled. Koenma coughed and began to speak. "Karen, as it seams, you are wanted back on Earth by many so, we will revive you."  
  
// Life in the dark, no warmth for our souls, or death in the light, were there is no time? You can live forever if it weren't for the fact, that death I death, it is fate, fate cannot be changed.//  
  
Karen felt her spirits lift happily as she threw her arms around Hiei's neck. "Thank you Koenma-sama!" she shouted with a smile. Hiei took the information well and gave a small smile. "Come on Hiei. Let's go home!" she said taking his hand. Little did they know, the body was already buried.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` Red: oh cliffhanger! Should I continue or ne? Tell me in the review!  
  
Karen: Well, at least I'm gonna be revived!  
  
Red: Yep! Oh Yeah! Happy Birthday Karen! ^-^ See ya later ppls! 


	3. the police and a memory

Red: Hey people! Sorry it took so long to update.  
  
Disclaimer: Red does not own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Red: thank you to every one who reviewed. On with the fic!  
  
This chappie is based on my poem "The girl you used to know."  
  
last time   
  
Little did they know, the body had been buried.  
  
Karen and Hiei slowly walked back to Karen's small apartment. She was smiling brightly as they entered the room. Her smile soon turned into a frown as she realized, her body wasn't there. "Hiei, Koenma did tell us the body would be here in my apartment, right?" she asked. Hiei nodded. "Oh no!" she gasped. They couldn't! They didn't. They did. They buried her body in the graveyard.  
  
_The girl you used to know has died  
her smile has been broken  
_  
"What do we do? What do we do?!" Karen shouted shaking Hiei violently. Swirls appeared at Hiei's eyes as she threw him to the ground in frustration. "I've got it!" she squealed. Hiei got up wearily. "Good." He mumbled. "My friend Sam will help!" she said. Hiei blinked. "Sam?" he asked. "She's my best buddy! She'll help! She's a demon too, so she's spiritually aware." Karen hugged Hiei in joy.  
  
_The eyes you knew so well are gone  
someone stole them  
_  
Samantha sat in her run-down house, bored as anything. The phone rung after the long silence. She sighed and moved towards it. She picked it up. "Moshi, moshi?" "Hn...this is Hiei." "Nani?" "I'm Karen's boy-friend." "...ok well 'Hiei' what do you need?" "Karen, has died and has agreed to be reborn by Koenma. She want's you to dig up her grave so she can come back." "......" "Well? Are you up to it onna?" "Fine. Bring me to the grave and I'll do the rest."  
  
_The tears you knew she'd never need  
are being needed now  
_  
At the grave yard   
  
Hiei walked solemnly to the grave. Sam was waiting at the grave with a shovel. "Finally!" she said glaring at the demon. "Did you bring her soul as expected?" she asked. Hiei nodded and pulled out a little yellow ball of energy. Sam smiled. "Good! I'll start digging, you keep the soul from...uh...flying away." She said sweat-dropping. Hiei sighed and sat on the damp ground.  
  
_She swore to you she'd never die  
but somehow she has managed to_  
  
Sam took the rusted shovel and dug deeper into the soft dirt. She stopped in her tracks and spun around. "I think I hear sirens! Police are coming!" she said jumping into the bushes. Hiei cocked his head to the side as a light covered his body. "Put your hands up! You are under arrest for digging up a grave!" one shouted. "Uh oh." Sam said. She bit her lower lip. "Kuso! I need to get rid of my conscious." She thought jumping in front of the demon.  
  
_ She said that she would never scream  
but then she woke from her bad dream  
  
_ "Hey coppers! I'm over here! I dug up the grave! He's just a bystander!" she shouted. They followed the running girl. Hiei stood there shocked as rain poured down. He looked at the have-dug grave. He sighed and picked up the shovel.  
  
_She promised not to let you fall  
but here you fall again  
the girl you used to know  
_  
Hiei stopped digging to rest. As he perched himself on the tree, he looked up at the sky. 'Karen, we're almost finished, and you can come home.' He soon fell asleep.  
  
Red: Sorry if it sucked, writers block is EVIL! Oh and I would like to do something now. I feel really crummy about it, so here is a poem for my grandmother, Judith. March 16th 1933 to April 30th 2004.  
  
You will always be remembered here  
  
My grandmother had received a stroke and for 9 years: she could not walk, could not move, and had to transfer from hospitals, to nursing homes, to her home. But her strong will to survive pushed her forward. On April 30th 2004, when I came home, I found out that my grandmother had died, in her own bed at her home, at 12 noon. By the time you read this, she is burned and her ashes are laying on a beach. So now I hope that my grandfather does not die. He had a heart attack a few years ago and has diabetes. He wears a heart-pacer and I'm praying every day for my grandfather and grandmother. I would also like to say this: You never know how important someone is until they're gone. I hope all of you readers consider this and tell others the same thing. And now my poem.   
  
Poem written by Red Ikiuki May 1st 2004.  
  
Now that you're gone  
  
_ You were once at my side  
full of such pride  
not ready to die  
unable to walk you just sit and talk  
while we try not to cry  
now that you're gone,  
I can't believe it  
you were always so strong  
please tell me it's not true  
I would do anything for you  
but you might have been better off going on  
you couldn't walk  
you were very sick  
so I hope in heaven you will be able  
to walk,  
to run,  
to play in the sun  
as this new day begins  
I take this time to say  
goodbye  
farewell, I hope we met again  
  
_Red:...... I hope she rests in peace.......... I will update as soon as possible. I'm a little jumpy right now so it will take awhile to recuperate. See ya.  
Ja-ne  
Red  
  
Oh yeah! Karen, I hope you had a great B-day! 


	4. Together again

Red: Hi guys...this chappie is based on my poem 'Downfall.' I also have answers to Karen's questions: 1, no I did NOT cry when I found out that my grandmother died. 2, yes you eventually will be reincarnated.  
  
Disclaimer: Red does not own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Red: I own my poems! If you people want to use them, ask me and give me some credit! I worked really hard on them!

Hiei woke up groggily and looked around. 'The graveyard?' he questioned himself. Suddenly the memories came flooding back all at once. He smacked his head as he remembered last night's incident. He also remembered what Karen had told him before he left the apartment...  
  
_ A light hearted person she was not  
her heart was colder than ice  
  
_ Flashback   
  
"Hiei, if something bad happens to her I swear to fucking Kami that you will not live to see tomorrow!" Karen shouted shaking him back in forth. Hiei rolled his eyes. "Dozo? Why is she so important?" he asked. "Because she's my best friend! Now go!"  
  
End Flashback   
  
_it doesn't matter if there's a reason  
nothing matters anymore  
_  
Hiei gave a sigh. 'I've still got to finish digging the grave...' he thought. He continued digging until his shovel hit something. He cussed hoping he didn't damage the flesh. He suddenly saw her limp figure in the hole. With that he pulled out the body. He brushed some strands of hair out of her eyes.  
  
_ Nothing explains why she lies awake in pain  
why she wakes up and screams  
why it has to be much worse than it seems_  
  
He pulled the soul out of his pocket. He blushed as he did the procedure to revive his koi. He placed the soul gently in his mouth and brushed his lips against hers to give her the soul. He suddenly felt her returning the kiss after awhile. He separated at once and he smiled. "Karen!" he shouted throwing his arms around her neck.  
  
_She's lost all trace of her vibrant smile  
she knew she had it  
a perfect life for a perfect girl  
_  
Jail   
  
Sam sighed. "Karen better thank me for this." She grumbled. "Samantha. You have one phone call." The guard said. Sam grabbed the phone and franticly dialed Karen's number. "Hello. You have reached 555-5555. We are not here at the moment, but leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Beeeeeeep."  
  
_ She couldn't have it forever  
she had to downfall sometime  
_  
Karen's apartment   
  
"You have one new message. Beeeeeeeep!" "Karen?! Please help me! They got me again! Can you cover for me? Please bail me out! I hate this place! Oh, I hope you're alive! Bye!...click, click, click..." Karen twitched and looked over at Hiei. "That was Sam." She whispered in a pissed off tone. "What happened?!" she screeched.  
  
_She looked in the mirror and didn't see herself  
her fist went through the glass  
she's no longer the best  
_  
"Well, when we were digging up your grave, the police showed up. She led them away by taking the blame so I could finish digging." Hiei said all at once. Karen blinked. "This is the 3rd time this month that she's been arrested." She muttered. She grabbed her coat and headed for the door. "Where in the name of Makai are you going?" Hiei asked. "To get Sam out of jail." "And how do you suppose you do that?!" "Well...."  
  
_this high-school girl with college dreams  
was pushed away so quickly  
her thoughts became so sickly  
_  
Jail   
  
"Karen!" Sam yelled in joy. She threw one arm through the bars to show her which cell she was in. Karen and Hiei looked over at Sam's cell. Karen's eyes lit up as she ran over to her. "Sammy!" she squealed grabbing her friend's hand. "I knew Hiei could do it! He really dug you up! You're alive again!" Sam whispered. Karen nodded as she turned to the guard. "I'm here to bail her out." She said.  
  
_ She isn't who she used to be  
and she hates it  
_  
The guard took out his keys and unlocked the cell door. Sam hugged Karen tightly. "Thank you! Thank you!" she said. She turned to Hiei. "Thank you too, Hiei. Without you, Karen would still be dead." She said flashing a quick thumbs up. Hiei looked down in shame. "Yes, but if it weren't for me, Karen wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place." He stated. Sam blinked. "I'm not even gonna ask why. But Hiei you fixed what you started. Push the thoughts out of your mind. Tomorrow's a new day." She said placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
_She want's it back  
she can't have it back  
this is her downfall  
_  
Karen smiled at Hiei. "Now you see why she's my best friend. She knows just how to cheer you up!" she said playfully punching her buddy's shoulder. Hiei muttered a "hn" and shrugged. "Well, it's getting late. I've gotta go home! Thanks again you two!" Sam said racing out of the station. "We'd better go home too Hiei." Karen said walking with Hiei to her apartment, hand in hand.....  
  
_A light hearted person she was not  
her heart was colder than ice  
it doesn't matter if there's a reason  
nothing matters anymore  
Nothing explains why she lies awake in pain  
why she wakes up and screams  
why it has to be much worse than it seems  
She's lost all trace of her vibrant smile  
she knew she had it  
a perfect life for a perfect girl  
She couldn't have it forever  
she had to downfall sometime  
She looked in the mirror and didn't see herself  
her fist went through the glass  
she's no longer the best  
this high-school girl with college dreams  
was pushed away so quickly  
her thoughts became so sickly  
She isn't who she used to be  
and she hates it  
She want's it back  
she can't have it back  
this is her downfall  
_

_  
_Red: no this is not the last chapter. The more reviews, the faster I update. See ya guys! (The next chappie is going to be a little different then these have been.) Please excuse my language!


	5. Completion

Red: Hey People! This is the last chappie! But, if you really liked it, I will make a sequel! Oh yeah, I lied about posting the 'Yusuke and the attack of the fairies' first. But I'm working on it! This is the last chappie! Based on Avril Lavigne's 'Nobody's home' and my poem 'pity the fool' at the very end! Don't forget to R&R!  
  
Disclaimer: Red does not own YYH, Karen, or 'Nobody's home.' (and does not own the thing at the very end)  
  
Red: on with the fic! (song poem )  
  
(**AN: Ok. Just for you people who don't know, sugar in any form, no matter how little the amount, Karen gets SUPER hyper active. I swear! She even has a little song that she sings while bouncing on her toes. It goes: "I'm hyper" over and over again.)**  
  
  
  
Hiei and Karen walked home silently. Hiei would glance at Karen every once and a while as she watched the clouds move across the quiet sky. It seemed as if one of them spoke, it would disturb the finally peaceful moment. And for Hiei's sake of not being shaken, this was a very good gift.  
  
SONG   
_ Well I couldn't tell you  
why she felt that way  
she felt it every day  
but I couldn't help her  
I just watched her make  
the same mistakes again  
What's wrong what's wrong now?  
too many too many problems  
dunno where she belongs  
where she belongs   
_   
  
Karen gave a contented sigh and lay her head on Hiei's shoulder. Hiei blinked in surprise at the sudden movement which stirred him from his thoughts. He looked down at the brunette. His gaze suddenly moved onto the sky. It was just too peaceful. Karen and Hiei, just walking through the streets, no one to bother them. It suddenly felt like a dream.  
  
Song   
_she want's to go home  
but nobody's home  
it's where she lies  
broken inside  
there's no place to go  
no place to go  
to dry her eyes  
broken inside _

  
  
'A dream? Is that all this is?' He questioned. But it couldn't be a dream. He had felt the cool rugged wood against his hands as he dug the grave that morning. He remembered the swirling emotions he felt when Karen had kissed him. His stare moved from the sky to the street. 'No cars?' he blinked. Usually cars were everywhere at this time. Maybe he was just being paranoid. He sighed and looked down at his koi.  
  
SONG   
_ Open your eyes  
and look outside  
find the reasons why  
you've been rejected  
and now you can't find  
what you left behind  
be strong be strong now  
too many too many problems  
dunno where she belongs  
where she belongs_

  
  
They finally reached the apartment. As Karen walked up to the doorstep, she turned around to look at Hiei. "Coming?" she asked. The silence broke and Hiei was out of his little world. The cars were rushing by, birds were chirping, children laughing. It was strange. One minute, complete peace, the next all of this noise. 'What's going on in my head?!' Hiei thought walking inside.  
  
SONG   
_she wants to go home  
but nobody's home  
it's where she lies  
broken inside  
there's no place to go  
no place to go  
to dry her eyes  
broken inside_

  
  
"Hiei, do ya want anything to drink?" Karen asked. Hiei shrugged. "Hn..." Karen rolled her eyes. "Water you get then." She said handing him a glass of tap water. Hiei took the glass and drank the water slowly. Karen got herself some soda. Hiei blinked as Karen seemed to perk up with every sip of the liquid. She was nearly finished when Hiei asked her a question.  
  
SONG   
_her feelings she hides  
her dreams she can't find  
she's losing her mind  
she's falling behind  
she can't find her place  
she's losing her faith  
she's falling from grace  
she's all over the place_

  
  
Hiei watched with fearful eyes as Karen guzzled down the soft drink. "Are you sure you're supposed to drink that?" he asked backing away slowly. "Yep! I just can't have too much." 'Lair.' Was all Hiei could think as she finished it off with a happy sigh. "Today couldn't have been more perfect! I got revived, and I'm with you, Hiei." She said making Hiei blush a little.  
  
SONG   
_she want's to go home  
but nobody's home  
it's where she lies  
broken inside  
there's no place to go  
no place to go  
to dry her eyes  
broken inside_   
  
  
Karen snuggled up to Hiei and for a few minutes stayed absolutely quiet. 'If only this would actually last...' Hiei thought with a small smirk. 'But I still have that strange feeling.' The voice in Hiei's head clicked. 'The feeling you have is love, Hiei.' It whispered. Hiei looked around. "Probably the wind." He muttered. As his eyelids grew heavy, he recalled all of the adventure. It made him smile at the deeds he had completed. He was sure that they weren't his last as he fell asleep.  
  
SONG   
_she's lost inside  
lost inside  
oh, oh  
she's lost inside  
lost inside  
oh, oh  
oh_

  
  
THE END   
  
Red: so? How did you like it? My first completed fic! Wait till the sequel! Now here's my poem as promised! (Heh, pity the fool...sorta sounds like Hiei talking 'bout Kuwabaka right?) POEM   
Pity the fool who kept you losing  
envy the one whom you lost to  
scream out the name of  
the one you want back  
Envy the sky that won't turn blue  
but black  
Listen to the wind...  
It howls the truth  
feel the teardrops falling  
from the eyes you keep held back  
feel the wind blow through your fingertips  
pity the fool  
die the way you want.

  
  
Red: I hope you guys enjoyed! Oh! and the words for the song might be a little messed up because I listened and copied from my CD player. I don't even know if they're the right words... Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Buena Suerte to all of you! Ja-ne!  
  
Buena Suerte: Spanish for "good luck."  
  
(don't own)  
  
_And I don't wanna  
fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and  
stare at you,  
I don't wanna talk about it,  
and I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you,  
I don't wanna talk about it.  
And I don't wanna  
fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and  
stare at you,  
I don't wanna talk about it,  
and I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you,  
I don't wanna talk about it........._


End file.
